Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I'm trying to write a book! I just got started just want to know if I should continue or forget about writng.

They were coming after her, they’re yelling something out at her .Yet, she couldn’t hear them because fear had engulfed her in its dreading cloak. She was running from whom and why she didn’t know. She didn’t even know how she ended up being chased like this. She was running for days it seemed when she finally came to a halt. Not because she’d lost whoever was chasing her but because her path came to an end! Now she was facing a river and there was no way to evade her follower. She took one more glance and found herself facing her enemy. It was a woman on a gelding. The woman’s golden hair glided down her back reaching her mare’s mane. Her eyes were and emerald green and were now gleaming. She had a smile on her thin lips, not a comforting smile but that of a beast when it has finally reached its prey. The woman charged her gelding and was gaining at her. She had nowhere else to run but to the stinging cold water in the river behind her. She inhaled for one last time before diving into the river.





Phlox woke up gasping for air. She could almost taste river water in her mouth. She pulled herself up and sat cross legged on her bed. Her breath came hard and her heart was pounding like a hammer. She checked the time in her alarm clock; it was 1:30 am. But she knew she was safe. Safe from the woman and safe from the tugging river currents. “Home sweet home” phlox whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and dived back onto her bed.

I'm trying to write a book! I just got started just want to know if I should continue or forget about writng.
You need to find different ways to structure your sentences. Too many of them begin with She. There are other ways to structure a sentence than beginning with the subject.





Also you change tenses. Your first sentence alone goes from past tense to present tense. Pick one and stick with it. And you need a MUCH stronger first sentence to attract readers and drag them into the story. What you have now is very cliche and ordinary. Add more excitement.





Lastly. Show not tell. Find more ways to add action and showing to the story instead of just telling. And I'm not crazy about the name Phlox either. Pax-C
Reply:It needs a little work, but it's really good! I love the concept, and the characters are really interesting.


If you have interest in continuing, go for it! But don't bother if that's not what you want to do; it could very well just work by itself as a short story.


Good luck!
Reply:if you enjoy writing. then why would you stop? is your goal to get published? its very difficult but not impossible. i could give you tips ive just gotten into trying to get my work published. from what i read seemed a little lord of the ringsish. which there is a big market for. good luck.
Reply:You shouldn't forget about writing. But you should practice. Since you did not ask for help regarding your writing I will not comment further. It's a good start.
Reply:It's good but I wouldn't use the name Phlox...
Reply:There's some work to be done with grammar and punctuation, but if you're heart's not into writing, then you shouldn't consider a career at it. Generally publishing requires editing and re-editing, and that's only if the publisher likes your stuff. Even the big authors get rejections.


The story you wrote is intriguing but needs work. If you're young and just starting out, keep at it.
Reply:I agree with Mike, if you enjoy writing carry on but be warned it can be a lonely pastime and it will take you over. If you intend to write for publication research your intended market and try to be original, no one likes a copy cat. Watch the flow of your words make it easy to read, try reading what you have written out loud as if you were telling the story.


Hope this helps.... good Luck!
Reply:hmm. needs work, and i agree about the name phlox. also, you definitely need to get a book on grammar, sentence structure, etc. or take a refresher course, or get an editor. basic story line is interesting but you need a couple of other facets to make it more interesting. my favorite part is how the horse changes sexes midway thru your story,(and while not even unsetting its rider!!) and then, back again! a gelding is a castrated male horse, and a mare is a female horse, over the age of three. one of the most important aspects of writing is to do your reserarch. hope i helped and good luck
Reply:Definitely continue and don't give up just yet! Great writing comes with practice and you are already partway there. Your story has potential and enthusiasm to write is often the key. Once you get your ideas down on paper they can be edited later. Just one thing though:


As a reader we need to feel how characters feel, otherwise the writing comes across as emotionally detached.


Bolster your writing with description, say how the character is feeling, not just what she is thinking. You do this really well in the last paragraph, but not in the heat of the chase - is her chest tight? is she leaping over things in haste to get away? is she feeling the snort of the horse's breath hot against her neck? Just don't forget that often the very first paragraph needs to pull the reader in. Once you make the chase in her dream more vivid, you will set the standard for the rest of your story, which I am sure will be wonderful.


No comments:

Post a Comment