My Undecided Muse (rough draft)...how can I improve it?

My muse, she is a fickle bird


her songs stretch far and wide.


she often sings of many things


her real voice she hides.





With poet's beak, she pecks out words


that soothes or stirs or stabs.


Her silver tongue can move your soul


or cut you with it's jabs.





She'll scratch and sketch away the day


with talons of graphite.


Her nimble feet are made for clay;


she sculpts throughout the night.





Her water color tinted plumes


are such a lovely sight.


She'll paint the oceans and the waves


with rays of spectral light.





With silken oils from downy hues


She'll paint her lover's face


and touch on every part of him


with subtlty and grace.





Sweet William sits among the phlox


as roses scent the air.


She works her garden masterpiece


with poise and savoirfaire.





Since every art appeals to her,


It's hard for me to choose


which craft is most appealing to


my undecided muse.

My Undecided Muse (rough draft)...how can I improve it?
Since you excel at all of them, why choose? Outstanding imagery in this poem.





In S 2, change "it's" to "its."
Reply:Rough draft my eye!


This is as smooth as a babies bottom. Do not try to improve on perfection. You have meter and rhyme and words that flow like water in a mountain brook. Do not change jot nor tittle, but leave it as is, and let TD put it in our next book. Such beautiful words from such a beautiful lady.
Reply:I looked up the word poetry in one of my dictionaries and that was the definition it gave.


I don't think you could loose any of your pleasantries in any medium. You could probably compose a beautiful little diddy on the oboe.
Reply:I can completely relate... though mine, like Rouxe's, has apparently committed suicide. Though for different reasons. Mine just saw that I didn't need her anymore... I do miss her though, it made things a hell of a lot easier...





Blessed Be
Reply:its very good





With silken oils from downy hues


She'll paint her lover's face


and touch on every part of him


with subtlty and grace.





**i would just get with of the on part


so it would be


and touch every part of him
Reply:I'm with Dondi on this one...It's absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!!


(When do you sleep, my dear?)


Question: How do you keep it all straight?? Between work, garden and TRYING to write my mind is a jumbled mess!
Reply:savoirfaire- I LOVE that word.





Wait, I love most every word in this poem.
Reply:Sweet. Get her some watercolors and a flute. TD
Reply:As the it's has already been pointed out, it saves me the job.


so.....what does that leave me to be picky-picky about?





One line....because your rhythm is so strong....we, your readers, are forced into pronouncing 'graphite' as 'graPHITE'





The second verse I think would be better like this..





With poet's beak, she pecks out words


that sooth or stir or stab.


Her silver tongue can move your soul


or cut you with its jabs.





(it doesn't matter that stab/jabs isn't absolutely exact as rhymes...it is quite acceptable)


And that's it.





I loved the rhythm and the rhyme, and your use of language


______________________________________...


Now, my suggestion is....and this was said to me when I was in my rhyming phase.....try re-doing this in free form.


I found it extremely difficult, since I naturally create rhymes in my head as I write....but, I found it a valuable exercise.





The theme you have chosen is very cleverly explored and I enjoyed it very much.
Reply:Your Muse does not speak to me of what you are and are not good at, It tells me of all the little glimmering things that catch your eye. Fickle, yes, but never unsettled (resting wise), she (or he) flits about, drawing your eye every-which-way it decides for the time being. I am nothing compared to many but I DO know how it is to have a fickle Muse.





Please tell me you know what I am saying here... do you ever find yourself wanting to try everything around you concerning art, when you do you are not too shabby but you find yourself in need of placing your brain in a completely new setting (like SpinCycle for the colors and WellDone for the Violin) AND that it is difficult to do two different styles in the same day or too closely together? Maybe I am simply insane and no one else would have a clue as to what I speak but that is what I am reminded of when I read this poem.





I loved it, though, as you said, it is a rough draft... everything, no manner who you are, could stand a little improving. Even Poe, had he went back over his work, would have found tiny qualms. He WAS a tortured soul you know.





Even Insane in a Wholesome Manner, Tilden
Reply:Line edit by an editor, no charge; hope you don't mind.





This is an almost perfect poem. I love the way you describe each of the many items a creative person does, and pulling it together from beginning to end with your muse.





I don't know why my meter count isn't showing on the lines, but they are perfect 8686 and ABCB stazas throughout. (i.e.)





Great work!





My muse, she is a fickle bird..........(8)


her songs stretch far and wide........(6)


She often sings of many things........(8)


her cheerful voice she hides............(6) %26lt;-- changed a word


Delightful stanza...





With poet's beak, she pecks out words ... (8)


that soothes or stirs or stabs........................(6)


Her silver tongue can move your soul..........(8)


or cut you with it's jabs...................................(...


Perfect!





She'll scratch and sketch away the day........(8)


with talons of graphite................................... %26lt;-- very rough line -- it fits the meter, but breaks up the flow


Her nimble feet are made for clay;................(8)


she sculpts throughout the night.....................(6)





Maybe:


touching pens and graphite........................... (6)








Her water color tinted plumes ........................(8)


are such a lovely sight......................................


She'll paint the oceans and the waves...........(8)


with rays of spectral light..................................(...


Perfect, again!





With silken oils from downy hues.....................(8)


She'll paint her lover's face...............................(6)


and touch on every part of him.........................(8)


with subtlty and grace......................................


Beautiful!





Sweet William sits among the phlox................(8)


as roses scent the air........................................


She works her garden masterpiece.................(8)


with poise and savoirfaire................................


Excellent -- love the high class of this stanza.





Since every art appeals to her,.........................(8)


It's hard for me to choose .................................(6)


which craft is most appealing to ......................(8)


my undecided muse.......................................